Family.

Before we left for spring break, a lot of ideas about this final project emerged. I was having a hard time visualizing exactly what I wanted to accomplish, and getting hung up on trying to picture the final outcome. I brought my camera with me everywhere and took a bunch of photos, but no clear goal in my image-making came out of it.

One of the ideas I had was to document the ways in which, during your late teens, 20s, and maybe 30s, before you really settle into a family life, your friends become your family. I know that since I moved out of my parents' house nearly six years ago, my friends have sometimes been more of a family to me than my actual family was. I also wanted to incorporate the idea of a "community" and where we all fit in within our own separate worlds. I thought the project could take on a documentary approach, maybe incorporating some portraiture as well. I had a clear idea of what this meant to me, and which people I thought were worthy of falling into this category, of people who were "family" yet not actually related to me.

On Friday morning, I woke up to the worst news of my life. One of my best friends, one of these people I considered to be my "family," was murdered senselessly in his own home. At first, I thought it was some kind of elaborate joke. Anyone who knew this person knew that there is absolutely no one on earth who could be capable of hurting him. This is a person who has eaten at my dinner table countless times, who has fallen asleep on my couch countless times, who has been in my car singing along to stupid songs with me countless times. This is someone I've told secrets to, confided in, shared personal thoughts with, made plans with, and someone who I had called my "little brother" on innumerable occasions. He was a best friend to me, my boyfriend, and others who knew him and knew what an amazing human being he was. How could he be dead?

Since Friday, I've felt like someone has been continually punching me in the stomach. I have felt complete sorrow, regret, nausea, remorse, searing pain, anger, outrage. I have felt unsafe in my own town, and in my own home. I have chastised myself and "what if"'d, and said "it could have been me. I have been at that house so many times." I have been overwhelmed by the incident itself--moved past disbelief, that "this can't be true," and moved into a possibly worse place, where I can't picture existing alongside his void.

However, something really amazing has come from this nightmare. I have learned that this person, who I valued so much, had so many other "families." And these families have become my family now. Friends I already had have gotten closer than ever, and people I never met before in my life have become so close to me that I can't even imagine that just a week ago, I didn't know them at all.

So for now, this project will document the way we cope. It will document the aftermath of terrible loss, and the healing power of support, and the process of finding out exactly what one person can mean to another person. But I also want to deal with the hard parts of it too--the feeling that something is constantly missing, and that nothing can really make that feeling go away.

This is the only photo I took this week that was in any way relevant to this project. I'm just now beginning to feel okay with the idea of documenting something so personal to me.

Word cloud.

Dawoud Bey "Advice To Young Artists"

While reading Dawoud Bey's "Advice To Young Artists," the most striking thing I discovered was how much the tips and information he gave could overlap with my own major. As a journalism major, I often feel a little lost in art classes, despite the fact that I'm really interested. But seeing this article makes me feel as though we're all really heading in the same direction, despite the fact that the work I do will be in a different field than the work most of my classmates do. His advice is extremely valuable and has many different applications, even outside the art world. Knowing what I know about Dawoud Bey, it seem as though he himself applies a lot of "journalism" related skills to his work, as many artists do. He interviews subjects, observes, collects data, and when capturing their essence, he does so with the utmost respect. These are all values that journalists should strive for as well--accurate portrayals of subjects, and respect where respect is due.

Godspeed You! Black Emperor @ Terminal 5 NY 03/14/11.

This past weekend I went to New York to see Godspeed You! Black Emperor, a band I would label as post-rock (instrumental) who have basically been on hiatus since 2003. I was familiar with them beforehand, but my interest in them was never too strong. I had purchased the tickets at a gift to my boyfriend, who is a huge fan. My ticket options were limited, because by the time I found out tickets for this tour were on sale, they had all but sold out. The band added this show after the initial round of ticket sales, and I snatched up tickets. I will say that Terminal 5 is a pretty terrible place to see a show, especially considering this epically-scaled band went on to play in the Brooklyn Masonic Temple and the Church of St. Paul the Apostle later in the week. As a venue, going to Terminal 5 is like a seeing a band inside a three-floor garbage can. Anyway, GY!BE certainly made the most of it, and I think the experience has turned me from a casual listener into a fan. Visually, this show was far from disappointing. The band utilized projections through the duration of their 2-hour (!) set, something which they have traditionally done, which they say provide context for their wordless songs. Their songs also feature sound clips, from interviews which they have conducted. For a band without any real lyrics, it was helpful to have some frame of reference for their music.

I was stuck pretty far back in the crowd and didn't get to take any photos, but here are some videos from others--

Adam Taylor @ Fuel Coffee Shop, New Haven.

I went to see my friend's brother's art show, "A Priori," in February, and I was glad I did. Adam Taylor is a painter, illustrator and sculptor whose main subjects seem to be deranged-looking half-cute/half-creepy children, and usually the kids are enjoying or lusting after some kind of sweets. His paintings were very tiny--most were no bigger than 6x6" or so. I enjoyed them a lot, but they were all lined up on the wall and the presentation of them wasn't very interesting or exciting. However, there's a limited amount of space to do anything in a coffee shop, so I'll chalk it up to that. It is difficult to see in the images on his website, but he used some kind of glossy paint or finish to make it look as though the children were crying, either tears of joy or sadness, and I thought that was really cool. I don't know a lot about painting materials or techniques, but I liked them a lot.

My favorite was a little girl watching a donut fly away with tears in her eyes.



Overall these were cute, funny, and not too serious. I liked his style.

Dismemberment Plan @ Webster Hall NY 01/29/11.

I am the kind of person who's been really, really excited about the slew of indie rock bands who've chosen to reunite in the past couple years. It has a lot to do with being just a few years too young to have seen them the first time around. I'm not sure if seeing them in this context makes it a more or less "genuine" experience, but when the opportunity arises to see one of my favorite bands for the first (and possibly only) time, I'm going to jump on it. This show was almost ruined by this winter's snow, which wreaked havoc on the Metro North train schedule. Metro North decided to run the trains on a Sunday schedule this day (it was a Saturday) and my only option was to take Amtrak home at 2:45 in the morning after the show ended at 11. It was still worth it.

I really like to snap photos of bands, but my camera lens isn't really up to snuff. I'll be investing in a new one soon, and hopefully it'll make things a little easier. I tried anyway though!







The Dismemberment Plan has a song called "The Ice Of Boston" where, historically, they invite anyone in the crowd to join them onstage to sing along. It's pretty fun. Here's someone's video actually taken onstage from this show--



At the end they played my favorite song, which is really all anyone wants when they go see one of their favorite bands, right? That was pretty exciting for me. Here is someone else's video of it--



As far as the performance as a whole goes, this show was really great. There weren't really any bad moments. Webster Hall has really good lighting compared to some other venue's I've been to, including these crazy green "digital" looking seizure-inducing green lights. One downside was that the singer is a pretty energetic guy, but the bass player and 2nd guitarist didn't really follow his lead. They spent most of the show looking a little bored about the whole thing. Another downside was that immediately following the show there was a dance party at the same venue, so the band really had to stop sooner than they would have wanted, which was a little disappointing.

Composites.

Here are three composited images I made for class.

The first is loosely based on Leonardo Da Vinci's "The Last Supper." My subject referred to is as "The Last Breakfast." I would have liked to include more of him, but my kitchen table is very small.



The second is based on a painting by Annibale Carracci titled "Two Children Teasing A Cat." I picked this painting because it is ridiculous. Two children are teasing an annoyed-looking cat with SCORPIONS. Who does that?? I didn't have any scorpions handy, but I used a small toy octopus instead.



The third is based on a woodcut by Albrecht Durer, "Adam And Eve." Honestly I chose this woodcut because there was a cat in it (my weakness) but my cat refused to pose.